In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
love makes seman taste better
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
