Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
