Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
