hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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