My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
