Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
