was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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