I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
