he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
