This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize