I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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