I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Randomize
