This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
did you just send me my own nude
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
