My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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