I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
