He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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