She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
