My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
