the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
