im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
