glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.