the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
