all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?