Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The paramedics were not my fault this time.