Texts From Last Night

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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole

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  (615): my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole http://tfl.nu/xvf4
  Replies (36) Good night (1195) Bad night (1668)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle

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  (512): My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle http://tfl.nu/nk60
  Replies (44) Good night (2730) Bad night (913)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.

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  (812): Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward. http://tfl.nu/8jbn
  Replies (16) Good night (3613) Bad night (859)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.

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  (801): If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public. http://tfl.nu/0h1o
  Replies (34) Good night (9054) Bad night (1050)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."

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  (250): He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that." http://tfl.nu/vmd9
  Replies (37) Good night (1506) Bad night (5560)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.

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  (405): Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am. http://tfl.nu/ox2k
  Replies (13) Good night (787) Bad night (4345)
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.

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  (709): By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco. http://tfl.nu/8qs4
  Replies (11) Good night (2379) Bad night (1608)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.

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  (314): You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head. http://tfl.nu/as38
  Replies (29) Good night (2161) Bad night (1423)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.

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  (317): Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios. http://tfl.nu/l40u
  Replies (4) Good night (940) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (693): View more from

  You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml

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  (693): You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml http://tfl.nu/qfop
  Replies (4) Good night (412) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.

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  (704): Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls. http://tfl.nu/ygpr
  Replies (1) Good night (486) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice

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  (716): I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice http://tfl.nu/9xrw
  Replies (1) Good night (586) Bad night (331)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!

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  (970): It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood! http://tfl.nu/nce0
  Replies (1) Good night (636) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.

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  (541): I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep. http://tfl.nu/shmm
  Replies (2) Good night (548) Bad night (194)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  "You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever

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  (508): "You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever http://tfl.nu/zbaa
  Replies (3) Good night (221) Bad night (442)

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