just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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