I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
