Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
