My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
