at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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