Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize