I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
