Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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