Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
