i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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