I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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