Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i need some magic done to my vagina
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
