reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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