Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
