Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
