The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
