Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
