Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
