Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
