Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
