im drinking this country out of the recession.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
