margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
