Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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