Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Sober January is a disaster.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
cat food counts as protein by the way
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
