i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
