Pappa wants mamma naked
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
