I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
