I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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