I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
