Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
