I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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