So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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