I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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