I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
