She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
