So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
