Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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