I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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