Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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