Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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