wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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